Love and Correction
Pentecost 15, Proper 18
Fr. Tim Nunez
September 10, 2023
May my spoken word be true to God’s written word and bring us all closer to the living word, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
When our kids were little, we would inevitably hit a phase where everything is a test of wills. That could be the terrible twos, maybe later on. We had this method of resolving that conflict which was extremely effective.
Meg had three small jars. She would draw a happy face on the first jar. The second jar would get a sad face. The third jar was simply full of beans.
When the child would do something good, we put a bean in the happy jar. When they did something wrong, or argued, or failed to do their normal routines, they would get a sad bean. At the end of the day, if they had more good beans than bad beans, they got to put a sticker on the calendar for that day. At the end of the week, if they had more good bean days than bad bean days, they got a treat. If not, no treat.
You can see the dual purposes here. It wasn’t about reward or punishment, but about shaping their character. First, the battle of wills was over. There was no argument about what was good or bad, it was their actions. The whole lesson teaches the child that they get attention for doing good because the parent goes out of their way to catch the child being good. Then they strive to do good and put that bean in the good bean jar. This immediately brought sanity back to our home. I can remember the kids pleading tearfully not to get the bad bean.
Secondly, and I think much more importantly, it taught them to be responsible for their own behavior, to expect consequences and it became their choice to do the rights things and have good attitudes.
This was very effective preventive care. None of them are perfect, but to this day each has a clear sense of right and wrong and takes responsibility for their own actions. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Preaching is at times “preventative pastoral care.” The Word of God helps us develop godly attitudes and perspectives. Jesus shares counsel with his disciples that is at once very pragmatic and practical, yet it is also cuts to the heart of his Good News, which the point isn’t good beans or bad beans. It’s about shaping our character. Who are we? What does it mean to follow Jesus?
Jesus is speaking here specifically about his followers living in community – in essence what we now call the church. The principles he shares work very well in churches. We haven’t had a lot of that here but I can assure you that if and when problems do arise, this is the blueprint for resolution. It works in families and any communities that will adhere to it. It’s just true.
“If another member of the church sins against you….” What sorts of sins might happen against us? Lies, slander, betrayal, dishonesty, rudeness - whatever comes to mind that is serious will work. You’re right, they are wrong and for this discussion it’s one-sided. We might as well say when it’s going to happen, what does Jesus say to do?
Does he say to paper over it, make nice and try to ignore it? No.
Does he recommend withdrawal and digging into our trenches? No.
Does he recommend holding the grudge until an opportune time? No.
Does he say to tell all your friends, rally support and plot your vindication? No.
Yet those are often what people naturally do.
Jesus sets forth a very involved, risky and purposeful course of action. We should receive it as commandment. Jesus said it, after all, and it serves a larger goal which I’ll discuss in a moment.
First, we have to go to that person. Not to our friends and not all sorts of people around that person. We have to share openly and honestly the nature of our issue. If that works, things are great. The advantages are clear. You’ve shown true care and respect by coming to them directly. When people of mutual good will, as brothers and sisters in Christ should be and surprisingly often are, repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation flow very naturally once we understand each other.
If that doesn’t work, perhaps there are issues of perspective in play that the two cannot resolve, or maybe there are other factors in play. The next step Jesus prescribes is to get one or two witnesses and present the issues before them. Presumably these are unbiased and godly people who can listen and perhaps translate differences, facilitating understanding which leads to repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. If that works, great. If not, the prospect of other troubles beyond the presenting issue loom.
Perhaps there is more than an isolated incident here. What if the sin and these steps are exposing a deeper flaw, a person of bad intent, who is wired for manipulation, exploitation or who has serious control issues?
Jesus instructs us to take it to the church. Can you imagine? It happens in various ways. I think every denomination’s disciplinary process follows this passage in its own way. It’s a very strong incentive for sorting things out before they get to that point! If that doesn’t work, Jesus says to cut that person off. Why? Each of the above steps is intended to give the offender opportunities to see the error, repent and ask forgiveness. If not, there has to be a consequence. Otherwise errant behavior would always hold the church hostage. Neither should a family be held hostage by the unrepentant sin and demands of a member.
There are dual purposes here. The first concerns our role in bringing the Kingdom of God forth in our little corner of the world. The second concerns preparing us for the Kingdom of God. The ultimate promise of our faith is eternal life with Christ in his kingdom. Thanks to his own death and Resurrection, Jesus has secured that end for us, the forgiveness of our sin and the hope of redemption. But we cannot take the hardness of our hearts into his kingdom.
And here is the larger purpose. Jesus summed up the law and prophets in two commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself. This is how love looks in the context of real conflict.
Love demands we treat each other with due care, dignity and respect even and especially when we are provoked by real harm. Love demands we take the time and effort to honestly work through our problems such that all parties are blessed and edified. Love demands a process that opens our hearts and minds to God’s will for all concerned. Love places our concern on restoring the offender rather than justice for the offended.
And love is not indulgence. Had we resolved to only put beans in the good jar, no matter what, we would have risked allowing our children to become spoiled brats, little monsters that would grow into just the sort of people who ruin families, workplaces, churches, teams, and so on - or worse. They must not ruin the Kingdom, and hopefully the rebuke will awaken them to their need for change.
We are called to join Christ in building his Kingdom. As Paul wrote to the Romans, “Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” And so we work that out in accordance with Jesus’ word and his example. AMEN